20 Feb - This is surprising

 So today I was guuna go for a goat shoot but the guy I was going with didn't have any petrol. Last night was certinly 'interesting' to say the least. Before tea I was moving firewood from about 5 to 9 without a tea stop. It was just the fustrated mood I was in. I only stopped because I ran out of fire wood to move. It was tempting to move it all out of the shed and start again. But then the light had faded so I went in side.

The events that followed were a shell shocking experience which I still haven't gotten to grips with sort of. I feel free. Found out two of my ex's hate me. This would annoy most. But nah it is refreshing. I am actually pleased. That feeling of freedom. Not having to worry about stepping on your ex's toes for when the next girl comes along. Which with recent information doesn't seem to far off if that is what I want.

This brings me to another point I wanted to say. On Thursday in group I saw a poster that meant allot

'How are you going to discover new ocean's if you don't lose sight of the shore'

 This has a clear message and I speaks to me allot. I know people have been telling me to be positive. But my own words don't help me. But this saying did, it helped ALLOT actually.

Now another thing I wanted to say. People have asked me where I have gotten my poems from or what is my inspiration. My inspiration is this poem here
THE GOLDEN ANTLERED STAG

Out upon the southern rangers,
In the land of bush and snow
Lived an old and malformed stag
Who had many wounds to show

Resting in the blue-grass basin
Near his favourite water hole
He was thinking of the Golden-
Antlered Stag of long ago

When a little flock of keas
Settled on the rock above him
So he bade them to come near
That his story they might hear

Fly down here, pretty keas
And my story I'll unfold
Of the famous thirty-pointer
Who had antlers of pure gold

And the flock of mountain birds
Drew around in manner mild
Then the ancient stag addresses them
In the language of the wilds

He was first seen by the Maoris
In the days of long ago
And strange rumours spread about him
Reached the men who lust for gold

Out they come with many horses
Loaded high with food and guns
And by strange and varied courses
Went upon his trail at once

Butchers, bakers, cabinetmakers
Bookies, Blacksmith, two-up kings
And one ancient undertaker
Swelled the crowd that hunted him

Total war was nothing to it
'Twas not safe to show outside'
For the mob had started shooting
Anything they saw on sight

Station owners got the wind up
For the casualties now ran
Seven dogs and sixteen horses
Twenty cattle and a man

But old golden antlers beat them
To a marathon did treat them
Stalk for hours then they'd see him
On a mountain miles away

One by one they grew disheartened
Worn out by the greed of gain
And the stag when they departed
Still the monarch of the range

And if moonlight flying
You should chance to settle by him
Do not fear to see him vanish
Like a phantom in the sky

Out upon the southern ranger
In New Zealand's no-man's-land
Roams the stag with golden antlers
Stalkers get him if you can

Yea it may not mean much to you but its a hunters poem.

So as I said I am in a good mood. I really shouldn't be but I am. So maybe it is a sign. After what I heard what my ex's thing it is tempting to grant their wishes. But then I would lose my first true best friend and many other close friends. I know I can bite my tongue. Obviously they cant so yea tempting.

So today there is no highs and lows just a thought

What is happiness when all you see is grief

 I do hopefully people fully read this blog post and not just skim read it. This is probably the most serious post I have ever done so they do need to read it through to get all the information.

Song - Driven Under - Seether